It looks like I am going to have to give up and try to get a blog in whenever I can break through to the site. It has now slipped into the month of December and my weekly blogs have become seasonal. So this might end up my Christmas blog.  Hope not! I’m on line at the moment, but I have no idea how long its going to last. So without any ado here is the final segment of The Unclaimed Soul: I know you can hardly wait.  Your excitement is palpable dear reader…or perhaps it isn’t.  Anyway, here it is:

The Unclaimed Soul 4

As annoying as his lack of annoyance was, we take our contracts seriously. We guarantee them and we honor them to the full. He went from comic relief to leading man in a series of popular comedies. He even got some good parts in a few dramas.

Then, he got to star in his own television series. It was just the worst; everybody loved him. Damned thing was, he really and truly loved his fans. He had such a disgustingly sweet nature and bent over backwards to help out any member of the cast and crew of his show and to support his fans when they came to him in need.

Although his clown face was on the cover of every grocery store tabloid, no one could find anything bad or controversial to say about him and believe me, my guys working for those tabloid tried, oh they tried.

If he was photographed with a known felon, or pushing his way past the paparazzi and the guards outside a hospital, it was always because of his generous nature and deep consideration for all humanity. Sheesh, he was an open book. No matter how my agents tried to make him look bad, his winning smile and sweet disposition always left him to climb out from the darkest pits still smelling of roses. I was pretty pissed, as you can imagine.

DJ kept saying, “let him play, if you’ll pardon the expression, Gabe, with the angels, He’s bound to fall and we’ll get some residual gains in the final years of his benefit package. DJ was a clever guy although a little too positive for me, and so, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

And you know, DJ’s minion could have been right if it wasn’t for the plain Jane, you know, the two bit, ugly looking actress who always played the part of the pathetic friend of so many rising starlets. She was the joke girl, the one nobody wanted and although she was always the second, third or fourth banana, she did pretty well for herself without my help.

I wouldn’t have cared about her except, somehow, she ended up joining the cast of clown boy’s TV series and that’s where they met.

It was revolting. Some of the gang down here couldn’t even watch. Right off the bat, Mr. clown-boy and Miss Pain Jane, and that’s being polite, were all goo goo eyes over each other from the second she walked on to the set.

First it was, “here, let me help you with that chair,” and, “Don’t worry, you’ll get the line right, Just keep trying.” Then it became really disgusting, they would be saying things like, This is your mark for this scene, sweetie.” And “oh thank you, dear.”

If I was a human, I’d be racing to the toilet, gagging.

Well, it was inevitable; they got married. Well, you know how fragile Hollywood marriages are, so we did what we could to encourage some hellacious, if that’s a real word, behavior, but to no avail. No matter what, they just clung together. They were the poster children for successful, happy and loving marriages. When DJ realized that he had, indeed, made a terrible mistake. Well, actually it was his minion who had made the mistake, and believe me, she won’t be seeing the light of day for a long long time, he tried desperately to option off the contract, but no one was stupid enough to bite. They all knew that they couldn’t do a thing with. It was just plain sickening how much they loved each other or how generous they were. So they ended up together for the past 25 years and in that time, no one has bothered to pick up the contract and get him down here. Not that we would want him here. He would just bring sown the neighborhood, smiling and being kind.


Is that the information that you need, Gabe?

“I suppose it is, but the question remained, what is going to happen with this guy. He is still under contract to you.


Well, we don’t want him…Say, couldn’t one of your guys pick up his contract? He’s sweet and good, your guys are good. They have more in common with this guy than we do.

“Contracts a contract, Luc, have you tried to get him to break it?


We investigated that. The contracts are the work of our best lawyers. It’s ironclad.

Well, how about breaking it from your side? I tell you, even if we could make such a unique move; the contract is ironclad.

Can it just be cancelled?

Believe it or not, we tried that, although it has never been done, it is technically possible if both parties can get to agree.




Well, DJ sent one of his smarter minions to speak with Clown-boy, you know, the contractee.

And he refused


Well, first he was taken aback. He thought the contract had expired years ago. When D.J.s minion explained that the fifteen years part was the service years of the contract wherein his wishes were honored and executed while in actual fact, the service aspect was only a small part of the contract, which was, in fact, for the period of eternity.

Then he refused. He said that since we had lived up to our part of the bargain, he could do nothing less than live up to his.

But, we don’t want him. He exudes goodness. You can’t even imagine the effect that would have down here. Sorry, Gabe, tell the boss if you must, I’m simply not collecting.



Well, he can’t remain outstanding. It’s creating a horrendous bureaucratic tangle.


Oh, really, well, now I feel a little better hearing that.


You must collect him!


Not a chance!


It can’t go on like this.


Well perhaps you can take over his contract. I’ll give it to you free and clear. We’ve never done this before, but no charge.


Hmmm, or otherwise he goes on like this forever. I’ll have to discuss it with the Boss at the next business meeting.


Oh great, Gabe, soon I hope.


Well, another thing that makes heaven, heaven is that business meetings are almost never called. But, you can be sure that a resolution will be found for this problem in God’s good time.

as they say in old fashioned journalism    -30-

And dear reader, if things continue as they are, “God’s good time will be when I get back on. Hope you enjoyed the story, and don’t forget to check out The Instructional Tale of Pierre D’Artiste.  Just follow the directions.