Did you ever imagine doing a Stand Up Comedy gig?  Well, I have, at least I would like to get up the balls to try it, but imagining it, it never goes so well.  I’m getting up there in years, so I began to put together a “getting old” routine, but let’s face it, getting old isn’t funny.  Most of the funny things about getting old are accidental and I feel for old people, getting there myself.  However, I have taught all ages, I’ve worked in the advertising department of an insurance company…now that’s pretty funny… and a magazine publisher in’ jolly auld’ I’ve raised two kids, a boy and a girl.  Both are trying their hand at University..lots of funny material here, but it is kinda painful too.  So what’s to talk about.  Cars, homes, kids, cottages. The weather could be pretty popular this year.  Sports?? I’m a Toronto Maple Leaf fan…there’s nothing to laugh about there.  We’re beyond that…go Raptors, go Blue Jays.  So, while I’m writing some fiction, preparing a novelette for publishing and preparing or digging up some cartoons for this site, perhaps I could come up with a stand up routine for your edification.  If it looks good, then perhaps with some encouragement, I might look for an open mike somewhere, or put something on YouTube.  So first, we need an opening.  I don’t think this unrefined draft makes it, but you get the picture:


I know what you’re thinking!

(act out)

How did that old guy get on the stage.  Did he get lost on the way to the bathroom…one too many, no doubt.  Someone should help him before he…oh no, he’s going up to the microphone.


Hi, my name is Max.  and you’re probably wondering what a senior citizen is doing up here at the Mic.  Wait, senior citizen””….I’ll grant you I do take all the discounts, no problem. Don’t even have to have to ask anymore. It’s like you guys at the liquor store…or here…only not so exciting.

I’m not gonna tell you my age, but you folks up at the front can try and count the wrinkles if it really matters to you.

(act out)

Hey, does that work…you can work out a person’s age by counting their wrinkles.

I don’t know for sure, but so far I’ve got 35, if he’d only stop moving..


Hey, gramps, stand still, would you.

hand cupped to ear…eh, whaz zat?!!

See, old humor isn’t really that funny, especially when  look that way but don’t necessarily feel that way.  Anyway,  with that kind of routine, the future is stand up at an old people’s home, who wants to make a career at old folks get togethers.  Half the people can’t hear you, most of the rest don’t understand what you’re talking about…”Who booked him, he’s a lousy singer.”

So, I’m going to look for some more topical humor, perhaps even move it elewhere.  Let me cogitate on an opening and perhaps that will set a tone that I can ride with. Well, dear reader, the masses of you.  You’ve set me a challenge to go with all my other ones…so, let’s see how this goes.  Hopefully there will be something for next time.